Nice of J. Lo to have the cake customized for his personality.

A-Rod just wanted someone else to eat the outside of the cake first, since he only prefers the centaur pieces.

My favorite kind of trail mix is the kind that’s all M&Ms.

I’m surprised it’s got dust on it.

As a Yankee fan, I’m dusting off the book I bought back when they signed A-Rod, called “How to Rationalize Rooting for an Asshole.”

Why doesn’t he build the entire game out of that throw?

I have seen this river. I have camped up and down this river. I have been chased by grizzly bears near this river. I have never tried to cross this river.

the bengals essentially practice under a fucking interstate bridge anyway. nobody gives a shit about these poor souls. it’s like they’re banished to a prison colony where vontaze burfict is jack or ralph and i don’t remember lord of the flies all that well fuck it i’m gonna go smoke a bowl.

Could be worse:

Would’ve been perfect if they had, in fact, hurled up a dead mouse.

Instructions unclear; computer wedged in fan belt.

Pro-tip, don’t let your car sit on your computer.   Even if he isn’t puking, his hair is getting pulled into the damn thing

The lesson here is clear:

I’d be chill too if I was worth $50b. What’s James Dolan and Jeanie Buss going to do to Ballmer? As rich as Dolan is Ballmer could buy him with his loose couch  money. He could buy MSG Corp and set fire to all the assets and it would have an immaterial impact to his net worth.

I feel like they missed a “, slap her in the face, and then divorce her...”

We play in a stadium that is mostly known for sewage backups & being the second most dangerous stadium parking lot in America.

I think Thomas didn’t go far enough. If he wanted to act like a true seahawk, he should have shit on Carroll’s head.

If this had happen during the Montreal portion of the Rays season, it would have been even more confusing because it would have all been in metric.

Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Florida child.

“Our quarterback suffered a traumatic brain injury after hosting an awards show in New York City last winter.”