When will all of the Trumps, any of the damn Trumps, learn that Twitter is not their friend?

An asshole is not a brilliant visionary just because a toilet has a bottomless appetite for what comes out of it.

a lawsuit Trump brought against Palm Beach County in an effort to halt commercial flights from flying over Mar-a-Lago. The lawsuit was dropped, but the FAA now restricts flights over the club when the president is there.

Damn that’s actually true. He usually just stretches and contorts his face into what he thinks is a human smile. But in the picture with the Russians it looks like he’s caught in a moment of genuine laughter.

That’s too much.

He seems to have an innate desire to make sure people like him in the moment that he is face to face with them, though not after. Remember when he went to Mexico during the campaign and he was all subdued (drugs) and wanted to keep everything in this hemisphere? I imagine he’ll be very nice while he’s there and…

He’ll have his portrait hanging on the wall in grade school classrooms on a poster with all the other presidents.

Testifying in front of congress could be interesting if it ever happens. His toddler word garbage will probably impress most of them though.

What a fat fucking sack of potatoes sitting in that chair across from Lester Holt.

1. “Idiot,” 39 times
2. “Incompetent,” 31 times
3. “Liar,” 30 times
4. “Leader,” 25 times
5. “Unqualified,” 25 times
6. “President,” 22 times
7. “Strong,” 21 times
8. “Businessman,” 18 times
9. “Ignorant,” 16 times
10. “Egotistical,” 15 times

“I just don’t buy it. A bumbling moron who can’t even speak in a complete sentence couldn’t be elected president.” - my 5 year old future child (probably) 

You mean a shitty gold building where every season of SpongeBob SquarePants is housed on DVD and VHS?

The Patriots were crazy to cut him, the guy didn’t even kill anyone!

I’m just going to take a stab at this, is that photo taken from Kedzie Hall?

I remember a story in a high school text book that explained what insurance is and how it works. I already knew how it worked, but it explained it in a way that babies could understand so maybe trump and congress will read this. It went something like this:

You know what I don’t do? I don’t let my staff read important documents about the welfare of my business and then decide for themselves if it’s any good. “Hey hourly employee, here’s my insurance policy for my business give it a good look and let me know if you think it covers all the things that it needs to cover.”…

“a comfortable setting that would make somebody want to say: ‘I’ll just stay here. They will take care of me.’”

The goal is to make Alexa smarter. So hopefully soon Alexa will just start hearing my sex noises and play music for me without being asked.

Me: “Alexa, play some sex music.”