I want a jersey!

Yeah, the BridgeBats sounds like a minor league baseball team. Hell, the local hockey team (not sure if they still exist) was called the Ice Bats, as little sense as that made. If you want a scary mascot, I'd go with the Austin Gridlock.

I think any team would have to go into San Antonio—Austin nearly bursts at the seams for Longhorn games, even when they're terrible, i.e. right now. I don't think we could handle it, unless you built the stadium south of Buda or something.

I knew it. Grand Rapids is the home of the beast.

There is no gap between 12 and 14! The 14th floor is the REAL 13th floor! Scary!

Great minds and whatnot.

From the Hedges?

Nah, the Salukis are Division II (or whatever they call just below D-1) in football, D-1 in everything else.

The Salukis made Deadspin, and it's not even our once-every-decade trip to the NCAA Tournament! Go Dawgs!

And Obama looks like he could really use the hug.

That movie is quotable from beginning to end. I also love when Denise Richards is showing off the gun her Mom gave her, telling her "God loves a winner."

"Frieda used to be the oldest Lutheran in Minnesota, but now she's deader than a doornail! I keep telling them Shriners, 'Take down the gotdamned Frieda sign!' Lazy sons a bitches..."

I could imagine that would be pleasant on one or two people, unbearable on an entire group.

Unfortunately, he channeled Sidney Ponson.

I remember junior high dances being thick with the scent of Drakkar. It was awful.

Sometimes folks just need a heads-up. That's what friends are for, right?

In letter #3, since they're best friends, I assume she knew her best friend smelled like ass before they moved in together? I think she may need to tell her best friend to shower more often because she smells like ass, and the perfume ain't fooling anyone. Would you rather hear that from your romantic interest or an…

Hey, as long as it's not your lone conversational prop, I say good for you. And Verizon can suck it.

I don't know. To me it sounds more like, "I don't even own a TV!"

No, lots of people besides Cardinals fans think that Boston can suck it.