Jellystone Park gets no love and I thought this was a bear-friendly blog smh

HEADS UP, SPINNERS: as what I can only assume is a huge fluke caused by the great kinja-ing of summer 2016, I have just been followed by almost all of the Deadspin properties. I am entirely ignorant in matters of sports ball and my opinions should be immediately dismissed. You have been warned.

Chargers Blame it on Bosa, No Va in San Diego.

It’s like looking into a mirror!

Why not make rodeo an Olympic sport? Polo? Thoroughbred racing? Maybe just an entire Horselympics?

This is the same argument NASCAR people make: on the one hand, horse sports are harder than most people realize, require massive amounts of training and money to compete in, and are athletic in a way that something like archery simply isn’t.

Horse: “Fuck This”

“That one’s for Barbaro, motherfuckers.”

It’s like taking Simms off the air would be an acknowledgement that CTE is real.

They have to be actively good to get approval, not merely un-terrible.

Amazing with ricotta, otherwise not worthwhile. Also: surprisingly good with tomatoes, even though that would seem contrary to the point.

Something about this story doesn’t smell right. I mean, Lochte is no whiz kid, but how is “they were asked to use the bathroom” where this story starts? Something pissed off either the gas station or the swimmers before that. And then why leak the robbery story? Did someone text them “ur in trouble” and they did that…

[Conger] “we just blew our savings on hookers and blow. This doesn’t !look good on us.”

FUN FACT: Scott Tolzien has never actually played a down at quarterback at any level. He’s actually a male model from the Czech Republic.

Andrew Luck always sounds like he just drank a bunch of milk and has that milk phlegm in the back of his mouth.

How could the combination of the Olympics and boxing not be above board? I am so shocked by these allegations I might just have to use an exclamation point to express my outrage.

In his mind, he has not done anything wrong because in his mind, football is more important than the “alleged” sexual assault and rape of non-football players. In fact, those girls should be “putting out” so that football players “can let off some steam.” Those kids are under a lot of pressure, ya know.

You can be assured he sent back 15 emails in reply. Each one read only: “Get fucked."

I can’t believe the woman who presided over the finest bracket this or any other site has ever seen eats nachos with a fork.

Father Duck: [comes home]
Father Duck: [hangs up coat]
Father Duck: [slumps onto recliner]
Father Duck: Quaaaaaack.
Mother Duck: Quack?
Father Duck: Quack quack. Quack quack quaaaaack quack quack.
Mother Duck: [nervously fingers apron]
Mother Duck: Quack... quack quack quack.
Father Duck: QUACK?? QUACK QUACK QUACK!
Daughter…