I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas gets my vote. Kills more people in Africa than any other wild animal, takes shits the size of watermelons and smells like a pile of sun-baked garbage. How Christmas-sy!

He's been dancing with Mr. Coldstone (creamery).

I used to sell cars and had to xerox the license of everybody who test drove a car. If you were a complete a-hole to me, I would stop at the nearest magazine rack and fill out at least a dozen subscription cards in your name. Selections were chosen on being least suited to my impression of your taste.