DING DING DING. I see this going on in my field (social services). We are “not allowed” to work more than 40hrs a week, but the workload varies depending on who is having what crises this week, and if we don’t get paperwork done on time, we are non-compliant with government standards and can get in trouble. Plus…

This is amazing and 100% accurate.

Trump is a fascist. Just.... That's what he is.

Liar. Women only come out of the kitchen to go SHOPPING and giggle.

That’s what bugs me about women who don’t understand feminism: they think any opinion or choice they make is or should be supported by feminism, because feminism means supporting all women all the time. No.

Moving along from the fact that this was clearly not blackface...

This is also a huge misstep as a candidate. If Rubio can’t deliver on a promise for pancakes, how can we trust him to deliver on his campaign promises???

My (soon to be) ex (thank you) is the same. He wears clothes he has had for 10 years. Basically all of his other clothes were bought either by myself or his mother without him for our own sake. Like just fucking HERE ARE SOME NEW JEANS, YOU IDIOT.

Rubio is as attractive as an alien with a human disguise inspired by department store mannequins. Would.

Those are good ideas. His friends are not my friends, so I’m not going to have help there. Also he hates leaving the house, so. I could start packing sneakily, but he might notice my stuff disappearing... I’ll have to think about it more. Thanks for the advice!

Little bit in shock with myself tonight... I applied for an apartment today, unbeknownst to my boyfriend of 8 years. Now I’m supposed to move in 2 or 3 weeks. I guess I thought the process would take a lot longer. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to leave him yet... This has been a long time coming, but he has…

Her intense eyes were also screaming “pissed off mom trying to convey rage without causing a scene.”

Haley talking through clenched teeth is reminding me way too much of my mom when I would piss her off in public

Paul Ryan trying so hard not to laugh at Obama’s jokes

Boehner was always so distracting just by how much he made me think of an orange grinch.

Hosting The Globes has made me want to do a new stand up show next year. Now THAT’S when you’re allowed to be offended.

YES. The whole time. You can tell she is doing her best to be polite for tv, but inside she’s like, “wowww these white people are duuuummmmmmbbbbbbb”

“When one recognizes the overwhelming presence of men in competitive eating contests where the goal is to consume as much as possible in as short a period as possible, then it becomes clear that male eating patterns warrant closer attention through the lens of sexual selection theory.”

“Oh, no! Look at your teeth! [Name], I’m so disappointed in you.”

When Greenboy finally makes the jump, I'm like, if he can do it, so can I!