I know ya'll don't like to post original content, but what's the source of the smugness about it?

True, but he'd be in the big band at $502,500 if he and his agents hadn't huffily turned down the raise. (That said, I think there's a decent argument to be made that the current combination of the tiny signing bonus pool and endless team control makes the MLB more monstrous than the NCAA.)

I'm fond of "Police have reportedly reopened the investigation into Kurt Cobain's death, nearly twenty years after the Nirvana frontman was found dead in his Seattle home" from right here on Gawker, yesterday. Except the police didn't re-open the investigation!

OK I'm not just imagining that. That's creepy and weird.

I know basically nothing about make-up, but she's wearing a bunch of eye make-up (in her "hospital bed welcoming baby into the world" photo), right?

This could be very interesting indeed.

Fans would find other things to get excited about, and true fans know that Philly will find a way to mess it up anyway.

I literally have no idea what the phrase "highest average paid" means.

I'd be happy to do so, but I can't parse what's currently written. It's nonsense in the English language.

Cool. But how does one parse "highest average paid"?

How does one parse "highest average paid"?

I know you made a link so I can investigate, but stating that this season Revis will be "the highest average paid cornerback in the league" is ungrammatical nonsense.

It is flabbergasting, but now that I've seen those deposition clips I know that any scenario involving Justin Bieber being a prick is possible. He is King Joffrey.

Spoken like a true believer!

And I could kill either of them with a gun, but nobody cares about that either. Speculation about fighting horse-sized five year olds is more entertaining.

In keeping with the way Kinja works in real life, I am a thousand people asking you why Nick Denton thinks he should stain his reasonably entertaining tabloid websites with a bizarre commenting platform designed by blind Turkish programmers. So what's the answer author/collaborator?

I somehow made myself forget that ever happened. Jesus, he was horrific. And now I'm thinking about Dennis Miller. Thanks, jerko.

Nice hashtag. #killinitinthecommentshighfive

If it's posted as an article on Deadspin, it's fair to hold it to the standard applied to anything else here. My criticism, at least, is directed at Deadspin: if it thinks the story is valuable, have one of their people report it out. If Deadspin for some reason isn't willing to do that, it still ought to edit the…

And the prize for most bizarre construction goes to TheInfantTyrone for "put that caveat on the commentariat". Should they put it on the commentariat's head?