In her defense, I’m 32, look like I’m about 12, and my boyfriend is over 6 feet tall, so my everyday life looks something like this. (Minus the cig – unless I’ve had a few drinks...)

I was actually at an event last night in which one of my friend’s children at the age of 5, is about a foot shorter than me. So I…

Hello no haters please and thank you

Why does a newborn baby need a Twitter account? I'm 32 and I don't even have a Twitter account.

Yeah, I have no problem now with notes that used to be a struggle for me in my 20’s (I have a fairly high range anyway). I don’t have babies either -yet. The 30’s are evidently the golden period for women’s voices.

I love that the relationship that is at the true heart of the show isn’t actually Jessica and Luke, but Jessica and Trish. They’re the ones who are constantly there for each other, trying to save each other/pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong. I love that Jessica isn’t a perfect superhero, that when Claire asks…

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pilot that packed such a punch. Hope’s face after the elevator thing, and the “smile” WAS SO TERRIFYING. Like we hadn’t even seen Kilgrave’s face until then and he’s already the scariest villain in MCU

And the fact the center “love story” of the show is not Jessica and Luke. but Jessica and Trish is beyond awesome.

My vocal coach insists that women who have a strong upper range gain more in the higher octaves as they age and that having a baby makes for a better female voice (something about finding the push). Anyway, that's just what she says and it's her explanation for why I have a higher vocal range than when I was younger.

While I was getting in the car to go to my little sister’s funeral...

my great grandmother said “I never realized how attractive fat people’s faces could be until you.”

“I have had 5 kids and I am not as fat as you” my mom to me at the first xmas I brought my husband to. She then attempted to make out with my husband in the bathroom and when he rebuffed her, asked her boyfriend to kick his ass. She was not drunk.

I think my sister has you all beat.

My mom & I were walking along the main street of my hometown when I was around 15, and she casually turned to me and said, apropos of nothing, “Your sister’s going to be much prettier than you when she gets older.”

As she was putting the turkey on the table for Thanksgiving dinner, “It’s a Butterball, just like Missy.”

My mother never intentionally insulted my looks- but I was short and plump and the puberty fairy gave me boobs super early, while my younger sister was tall and thin and built like a two by four. And this the era of tight baby tees and low slung jeans, so no favors were done here. Every time I picked something up, my…

“He’s not coming”

Worst of all? This was the text:

It can both be true that Caitlyn Jenner is not deserving of the Woman of the Year, and that this guy is an asshole for calling her a man.

Thanks, girl. Just after I posted that my 15 year old daughter came downstairs and tearfully announced that a family friend had lost both parents and his god-mother (pretty much all he had in the world) in Paris, making Miley and Uncle Terry all the much more fucking gross. I appreciate the levity.

My goodness. Miley sure is shaking up my square, conformist mindset. Has anyone seen my envelopes? Because I think they’ve all been pushed.