Vehicles shouldn’t be able to move without:
1. alcohol monitoring tech
2. Seatbelts secured for each occupied seat

I’m not taking questions, thanks.

Ok he may have cheaped out on the stainless steel here, but when the time comes to go to Mars I’m sure he’ll use nothing but the best materials.

(the most unnecessary /s ever)

*ahem*

... baby pandering tone Sesame Street took ...

Well I’d pay $8 to never hear from him again. If he was half as smart as he thinks he is, he’d figure out a way to monetize his insufferability more effectively.

This is the way. If people were given three options for vehicles to fit every scenario in their lives, SUVs would be the worst choice 90% of the time and never the best.

My little hellraiser is only 20 months so there’s a whole bunch of perspective I don’t have yet, but I gotta call bullshit. You’ve never allowed your kids to eat in the car?! Seriously? No Cheerios? Berries? Those fruit and veg squeezey things? No disrespect, but there’s no way your kids have never eaten in the car.…

“My daddeh worked on this here interstellar probe, just as his daddeh before him. And I’ll be damned if I’mma let some ‘puter glitch muddy up the future of cosmic discovery.”

An excellent point delivered with even more excellent-er innuendo. 

Yes but that’s still true for these edgelords in the article, sans schoolbus.

Mom and dad said they were wrestling.

Clarke—who formerly worked as a writer for our sister site, Jalopnik, in 2015

Those floor mats brought a smile to my face. Where’d you get them?

It’s not like this is an all-electric fleet or anything. Big whoop.

Allow me to paraphrase the Reverend Samuel: “The path of the horny man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of the prudish.”

Probably not—homeboy would be in a better mood if he came from start/stop money.

graphics look awesome on the new Katamari game

Either you’re doing my pants too or my wife really likes me in culottes.

The guy says he’s spending up to $1,500 to replace the tires, so at the very least he’s not putting LingLongs on his EQS.

It always spikes my volleyball when I see expensive cars sporting rubber that is barely safe enough for a Radio Flyer.

I’ve only ever gone to the one in Attleboro and I have to brace myself everytime. Terrible employees, long lines, and the less said about the fish department the better.