Oddly, I haven’t had to shave my legs in about 7 or 8 years. I’m not complaining. Actually, I’m BRAGGING!

I was like “please be cream cheese, please be cream cheese” (cause somehow that’s better?) nope. mayo. fuck.

showering at home is so much chiller than showering elsewhere though

Bobby Finger

It's anarchy. ANARCHY. Won't someone think of the children?

Um I think you missed the point of Would U. You’re asking if people would fuck this beer, you know that right?

WHOOP WHOOP

Their engineers might.

Wait, what did Halle do wrong?!?

NO ONE IS PERFECT, JUJY

You had me at, “Girl, you Gucci!” Bae!!!

Sing it.

I have a friend I can call to help me get rid of a dead body. She wouldn’t ask questions.

Poor Lovitz... ‘so uh, we’re not actually gonna fuck?’

I’m just a poor boy

Easy come, easy go

Open your eyes

Caught in a landslide

Is this the real life?

Also there is no such thing as early April Fools’; you get April 1 and that is it.