Blow me. I’ve been a moron long, long before Friday. When you were but a twinkle in your daddy’s eye, I was doing moronic things.

As Bob Costas said on a recent CNN appearance, there’s no anthem being played before movies or plays. Why is it played before sporting events?

You think that’s effective? You should try it as a logo...

Players should just start faking beefs. Then roast the media when they expose it as a joke.

http://deadspin.com/the-ratio-is-the-triple-crown-of-bad-tweets-1798441271

They were all doing coke right?

Where they don’t allow music.

I realize this is 3+ years late, but: Kite Man. Polka-Dot Man. Condiment Man. Psycho-Pirate when he’s not being shoehorned into a Crisis as a major threat.

Alex Smith may have went back to college, but Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard

yes, because I am people and hilarious.

But isn’t that the joke you just made?

In case you haven’t met a vet that has absolutely no problem with any of these protests and doesn’t feel disrespected in the slightest: Hi, it’s nice to meet you.

And rant about “where was Obama during Three Mile Island?”

If you think Jerry Richardson will ever sign Kaep, you haven’t seen Jerry solemnly refuse to stand during the anthem because he’s grafted to a human golf cart.

Wait, what?

Sometimes it feels like the Patriots just can’t catch a break ya know?

Yes, yes, yes! Allow me to just luxuriate in your hate. It’s like a spa shower.

No doubt the crowd will turn against Floyd. He has a lot of trouble reading the room.

GODDAMN IT

Also-also: Psycho Pirate.