In my head canon, he placed a lot of orders over the phone.

A- Man, you can’t just, like, go being UnDude about this whole thing, Dude!

“Old Friend, you’re getting a Dell.”

“Sport” needs some screen time on this comment thread. It’s very under-appreciated. “Old sport” will take you far in life, all the way into the warm, dizzying embrace of Daisy Buchanan!

It’s nice you think he 1) cares about these things enough to Google them and 2) can formulate cogent questions and sentences to type into the search engine bar.

There is 0% chance that’s true. Mostly cause he probably doesn’t even know you can search for stuff on the internet (he thinks the entire internet is his twitter app), but also because he doesn’t care enough about actually doing the work of being president to type something into Google. 

“Then again maybe I’m a dork.”

No “maybe” about it, kemosabe. 

Yeah, do not put your dick in an industrial vacuum. I am an emergency room nurse in Toronto who, after 12 years, has seen all manner of manhood mutilation. Twice (TWICE!!) I have treated guys who had decided that big ol’ machines were the correct venues to procure orgasm. One of them got off (heh) with bruising and…

Usually people that need to go/have just gone food shopping.

Cinemax > Real Sex.

Guessing that means you do like being called “boss” by people who you do supervise? Classic boss shit.

I want cake now

Does "acne" also fall in this category?

I'm not sure why I thought of it, but one thing worse than mustard would be cream cheese

But is it moist?

while everyone else at work was putting their “pronouns” in their email signatures my buddy and I decided to have some fun with it an put ours as “dude/bro/brah.” Yeah, that didn’t last very long before complaints were made.

The Weeknd is the dumbest name in music but i GUESS you’re right that it’s easier to search than The Weekend. 

The question is missing “chief”, but I usually just say “sir” (or “ser” if you have no pages).

I will die upon the Hill of Dude. I am a man who came of age in the 80's when Dudes were Dudes and Bro’s had not yet harshed our Dudeness. A Dude is a man of relaxed character and mellow disposition, The Dude was called so for a reason.

No