Falsies = eyelashes.

I prefer to think that declining enrollment simply meant more families were choosing to send their children to local, public wizard day schools rather than paying all the extra to send them off to a fancy private boarding school.

Anyone else suspect that, somewhere, Rowling is like, “Oh shit, I never thought about that before... I mean, yup, that’s it! Good for you! You guys figured it out! I was eventually going to tweet it, anyway.”

Is there where I get to complain about how *after* I quit my job at Bank of America, I found out I was blocked from a promotion because, despite my boss, his boss, and several peers recommending me enthusiastically, the boss above them had an uncomfortable boner for me and said my attire was inappropriate?

Something weird is happening to me. I’m starting to feel a little...pity...for this kid. He’s obnoxious and I only like one or two songs and he really, really needs to stop with the pets. He makes a bajillion times more money than I do to sing and dance and he has the power to do pretty much anything he wants. But, I…

I guess it’s the cranky in me but I think it’s so weird/gross that people take photos of unsuspecting people and post them to social media, even if the intent is good natured. Like, just enjoy the music and let others be.

Sticking up for me n my beliefs is hard for me at times.

I was kind of shocked and just really fucking sad that Jezebel reprinted and used these tweets for a headline. Jezebel is basically participating in humialiting a woman for making naive and destructive choices at 22 that lead her to become a sex toy for profit of a white geriatric millionaire who used to qualude…

It’s all true. I have a dog and I love her to death. I also cannot wait to not have a dog. These are NOT contradictory feelings.

I used to think Justin Bieber was just an annoying little brat, but lately I’ve started to feel sorry for him. It seems the pressure is getting to him. I’m sure he had no idea what he was getting himself into when he first started to become popular. It was fun at first to behave like a spoiled brat, but now he looks…

Props to Kris for being so open-minded. I cannot imagine most parents doing anything but blaming the person who overdosed in a brothel, and questioning their child’s choices forevermore. That she sits so calmly next to him, and even encourages Khloe to reconcile with him shows an amazing capacity of understanding.…

What’s surprising (but really shouldn’t be) is how improvised so many aspects of the the whole experience are, and how many random curveballs there can be, even though it’s something that happens so frequently, you’d think it would be routine. I blame television and movies for perpetuating the idea of the “routine…

I hear what you’re saying and I do think people go overboard, but my kid is just now starting to get involved in activities and I’m learning that when you commit, you have to commit. If your kid wants to play X sport, they have to be there for every practice/every game (barring obvious illness/emergencies), or you’re…

this is probably hypocritical coming from somebody that spends as much time in the Jezebel comments section as I do, but these people have way too much fucking time on their hands

My wife and I love our kid, but our experience is basically what you’ve described. We wouldn’t trade him for anything because we love him, but life is like 75% abject misery now. We are always sick. We are always tired. We never go out. We never have friends over. Let me tell you about how I spent my day two days ago.…

I love that “Daddy Lessons” can’t be county according to some of the all-knowing Nashville critics but “We Are Never Getting Back Together,” which has not a twing, nor a twang was on the Country charts for months.

I have just been invited to media launch of event for this on Saturday. Will let you know how it goes. xx

Deadspin’s UFC coverage is hilarious. I thought it was just a Howard curse, but it appears to be sitewide.

“Good hair” is just code for “white girl” hair. It doesn’t have anything to do with how it was styled on a particular day, it’s a comment on how white women’s natural hair is considered a societal beauty ideal over black women and their natural hair.

I have cried while having sex so still counts.