Papists ain’t welcome in ‘Murica.

So essentially she was hitting 0.3995 on the season and sat the final game?

New Yorkansas and Pennsyltucky

So rent a fucking Zamboni. Ice skating would be a lot more tolerable as a spectator sport if it wasn’t restricted to pale 15-year-olds who weren’t cute enough for the beauty pageant circuit but still want to please their overbearing mothers.

If Her Royal Redness is barely feeling anything, I’d say the liquor did its job.

Don’t know how to post screenshots of LinkedIn, but dude is collecting unemployment. Lasted 4 months at ‘Loudon Industries’ - had to leave due to ‘verbal abuse’. Unclear if he was the source or recipient.

Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive.

Sounds remarkably like Ayn Rand...

The ultimate hipster-snowflake showdown: #MeToo vs. #NeverRetard!!

You mean David Stern’s voice, right?

Married with two kids is not the end goal of these skeeves

Jetez la vache!!

Alex Smith no longer Chief. Just another Redskin now.

Toxic Avenger without a mention of C.H.U.D.? The disrespect is strong in this one.

Fuck Ryan Braun with a pewter calliope

A costume party that involves a gourmet dairy product skills competition? That’s close to maximum hipster. Add a lactose-free division, and move that shit to Williamsburg.

The authoritative source of this data:

Nice feature-length Tomsula Life Hack. Where’s the chicory, roasted acorns and beechnuts?

How about we make a deal. Don’t swoop down on my table 0.005 seconds after I’ve taken my last mouthful and take my plate away before my date has finished (her/his) meal. Just let everyone at the table take their time and don’t remind us that the restaurant wants to flip covers as soon as humanly possible.

If you can hit Mr. Jones before he gets to his refrigerator, you might have a chance.