At least it’ll get two seasons before Amazon cancels it for no good reason despite excellent reviews.

Does she need another toe? I can get her a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get her a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon.

why the hell do they have to ruin everything for us?

Look, just because I’m being silent doesn’t mean I’m being silent. It just means I’m being. Silently.

Remember how people were saying there was really no difference between him and Hillary and millions of women believed it?

North looks SO much like Kanye

Absolutely. Also, you can afford to buy an apartment in a brownstone on the Upper East Side of New York City with the earnings from writing a weekly newspaper column.

I’m cautiously excited for this.

I’ve tried so many times to give shits about Mary Poppins. I just can’t. I just can’t!

I live in the redneck-y city of Prince George, BC and here I think the Prince George Toss is when you dump all your excess trash in the pristine wildlife to avoid paying the two dollar charge at the transfer station.

I’m telling you, though, that wedding registries exist for one reason: relatives.

You handled that well. Pretending to others that you stood up to your wife is a great coping mechanism.

That’s kind of a disturbing way to talk to someone.

Everyone hates on Val Kilmer, but my kids and I loved him in Top Secret and Real Genius, and *sacrilege!* he’s our favorite Batman.

I DON’T WANT TO, IT’S LIKE OLYMPICS, EVERY 4 YEARS. You will forget what happen at a last one.

...huh, maybe get Ken and Barbie for it so it can just go straight to dvd :/

No, it should be Courtney Stodden.

My husband has developed some weird digestive problem and he has to fly all the time and he’s been worried about being on the plane with his weird guts, so I now say “Shart your pants!” for good luck. So far no sharts!

He really needs to go to the doctor.

I just felt like sharing.

Hard pass on this shit, Lindsay.