That Outback Steakhouse monologue! Just when you think it’s tapped out, it gets wilder and wilder. It’s like they came up with these crazy pages for Judy to say in the writers room, probably in one giant stoned binge one weekend, landed on this one and said, “Oh, this one we gotta save for the finale.”

Please enjoy this slideshow of celebrities who have eaten their placentas.

Funny you mention this. Trader Joe’s also sells granulated garlic, himalayan pink salt, and peppercorns in grinders. I like to empty one out and fill it 1/3 pink salt, 1/3 peppercorn, 1/3 garlic and then grind them all together. Once you have another empty grinder, you can just pour your Everything But the Bagel…

When I moved a couple of years ago I finally threw out that bottle of homemade wine from an old friend’s wedding. In 1997.

He’s my favorite lesbian in the Senate.

This is going to get to him bigly.  She could have written that his presidency is the worst thing to happen to America since 9/11.  She could have written that his wife is hideous looking and braindead.  She could have written that he is a grade-A asshole and dumber than a nutless squirrel.  She could have called his…

They had sushi. Everyone’s hungry 2 hours after eating sushi, even if you’re literally just standing around watching the sun set. I rest my case. *bangs gavel*

Aziz Ansari doesn’t deserve the level of vitriol directed at Louis CK et al. CK masturbated to his subordinates then blackballed them with his influence. Aziz Ansari thought he was getting a groupie one night stand, she thought it was a date. Neither of them clarified their expectations for the night. He was an…

Last year I bought this series on eBay because I was determined to have the versions with that terrifying artwork for my children. I am currently childless, but you can bet your ass I’m saving those to fuck up my future kids.

When I am King coconut will be banned, stopped at the border as the noxious weed it is. If my life depended on it I could choke down raw coconut, but I’d die before eating toasted coconut. Really. Just looking at this picture makes me woozy.

If you crop the groom out of this photo, it looks like Hilary married Mariska Hargitay! 

I am 10000% here for this Azealia, Musk, Grimes drama. Messy as hell, all of them.

Re: Brooklyn Decker’s new company.
Amy Heckerling invented something similar already in Clueless. This technology is over 20 years old.

LOL! I’m always rooting for Macauley Culkin.  I love him I can’t help it.

In the nearly 20-minute song

Anthony Bourdain “gracefully” eating a “double-double, animal-style” burger at his favorite restaurant “a perfectly designed protein delivery system” The In-N-out.

Anyone else think Lindsay Lohan’s “chain” of disco clubs is just a money laundering front for her Emirati benefactors?

“When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried Ariana Grande.”

It just ain’t the same without Michael Kors.

I wonder if they’ll be able to return it to the level it once was. The quality is terrible now. The sponsors and challenges are bullshit. And Zach Posen bugs.