My thoughts exactly. I was 25 to my now-husband’s 40, and I was adamant about splitting everything right down the line until we had been together well over two years. It was extremely important to me that we didn’t inadvertently create some sort of dependent relationship.

Seriously. It takes a special kind of scumbucket to marry and have kids with someone while keeping options open with a side piece for five entire years. There’s a time and place for breezy cool girl advice - this isn’t it. This shit rips people’s lives apart. The emotional pain is often physical as well. Every day…

TO ALL THREE:

Yes. My husband never told her about me for awhile... He was lying to everyone. Then he was forced to. She was upset, blah blah blah.... but then she said she didn’t care and they carried on anyways. I felt bad for her until she became a willing and active participant. You never know what the other person knows.…

Also, “the universe?”

If only this only happened in books. Ugh.

what the f kind of advice did you give to question 1

“As a feminist, my brain tells me to divorce him and accept that he has a moral character flaw—one I don’t want to associate with.”

You cannot forgive someone who has exhibited no remorse, and doesn’t intend to stop what they’re doing. At least that’s the way I see it.

He kept an affair hidden for years. He was just being a dick. This isn’t a one time thing because he feel lonley or something.

#1:

One approach I’ve used with great success is sending out an email to friends letting them know I’m available for fix-ups—

Word to all of this.

Dear “Sorry, but I don’t have a funny name for this very long question”, 

LW2: I agree you don’t have to announce how long it’s been since you’ve dated. The good news is that the dating pool in your age range is full of guys who don’t know what to do on a date, either, because they’re fairly recently divorced. (The bad news is the same thing.) I would suggest mentioning an interest in…

My dude, why did you start paying the bills for someone who (allegedly) lives with their parent?? I was 21 when I started dating my now husband when he was in his mid 30s. I wouldn’t even let him chip in for dog food until we were nearly 2 years in. It is was very important to me that I be completely independent…

Pregnant lady: Use him for the newborn help while you save as much cash as possible so you can leave him ASAP.

The amount of time that affair continued, along with the lengths he went to to cover it up tell me one thing: He won’t stop. He sounds messed up. You sort of have to be to carry something on like that for so long. My husband carried on a affair for a long time and eventually came clean to me. He also has some…

“I’ll take What The Ephron for $200.”

Letter writer number one needs to get into couple’s therapy at LEAST on this. Get a professional to identify why he felt the need to do that shit. Was it some deep-seeded unresolved issue in your relationship? Was he just being an asshole? Who the fuck knows. But that’s the only way that there’s going to be any…