Seriously though, what does any of this have to do with AKB48!?

Bullshit. People can always come up with reasons for wanting more money. Your imagination would be way more fertile if you were in talks with Microsoft.

Kids in my high school actually staged a walkout when Coca-Cola got an exclusive vending machine license on campus and all the Kick machines became Surge machines. Boo!

Yep. How many pissed off modders just started work on their Minecraft clones today? MS will either stand and watch as the genre gets cannibalized to nothing or do like King and start suing anyone who makes games with blocks or the word "craft" in the title.

Yeah, I'm not even mad. It's billions of dollars. Billions. Anyone who says that they wouldn't "sell out" if MS offered to buy their right nut for a billion dollars is a damned liar. Makes me want to chase the dream and churn out some buggy java games. Maybe lightning will strike twice!

It's a game with shitty graphics that requires a supercomputer to run smoothly that lets grown-ass adults play legos without having to face a store clerk first.

Mod API + mod store. MS gets $1 per mod download. Boom.

He basically said in his blog post that he's going to take the money and become a hermit.

Or they could go really crazy and recode Minecraft in a real game development language(C++).

Minecraft 2 (how would they even approach a sequel?!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Two words: Mod Store.

Yep. Huge waste of money.

Oh, wouldn't that be a fucking hoot.

I like you and I hope you're right.

Whenever things look like they're calming down, like they were towards the end of 2010, we have the CIA gin up something like the "Arab Spring" to get those fires raging again. People forgetting about the Russian menace? Let's kick over a pro-Putin government in Ukraine!

If you really want to impress us, tell us who the enemy will be after ISIS.

I like how he just tosses in "rape" and "theft", there at the end, as if either of those are perpetual-war-forever level outrages.