Oh thank God, finally someone who will get us timely and effective solutions to our problems.

Hey Roger.....BETTER CALL SAUL!

"I'm not being defensive. You're the one who's being defensive."

Pictured: Roger Goodell

GOODELL: "I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

NFL on line 1.....

Done.

Goodell: As I've maintained all along, no one from the National Forensics League saw this video until this week.

BREAKING: the NFL has hastily and retroactively promoted Cardinals linebacker John Abraham to executive.

The dumb bitch didn't even know what she wanted. She just had some vague notion that it was her duty to ruin the day of some minimum wage slob just because her fatburger didn't have a slice of cheese on it. She thinks she's the fucking Dutchess of York because she "works downtown" as a "consultant".

I'm in my mid-30s. I've probably gotten fast food 1000 times in my life (50x/yr * 20 yrs). I'd say about one-third of those experiences sucked in some way (shitty attitude/service, slow service, they got something wrong, food was cold or otherwise disgusting, etc etc).

Goodbye password123 and hello password321.

People who call fast food restaurants to complain are just the worst. Listen, everyone, life's a gamble — sometimes you get the whopper and sometimes you get a chicken sandwich. Fucking move on.

Is there a party you've been to that you haven't been the life of?

"I'm in my office doing Mad Libs"-Awesome

As someone who has had a lot of experience with Burger King, I can assure you that there really is such a thing as blood doody.

What made you want to work at Burger King: the hours and food.

Bullshit that was his job as an attorney. He was acting as a PR flack, not as an attorney, when he went on the radio and made up what he knew to be a misleading "hypothetical" about what really happened.