I make that same noise when I run out of salsa, but still have chips in the bowl.

I used to work for the tabloids, so it’s not a question of if I have a story, but which one I tell the Jezzies.
There was the time Dave Navaro refused to be interviewed unless I gave him a blow-job. He had just married Carmen Electra.
There was the time on a red carpet that a very drunk Gary Busey asked me how, a…

I declare war on his kingdom.

...has a killer writing staff.

...and this is why I have a dog. That would drive me bananas.

nope, none of this ‘well, if your loot system wasn’t broken people wouldn’t cheat’ nonsense. Cheaters cheat regardless of how ‘unbroken’ a system is. That’s just a weak attempt at blaming the devs for someone else’s actions because “dev = company = ALL COMPANIES ARE BIG AND EVIL ALL THE TIME THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU…

I love Goldblum, but oh god, the little squeak when the dildos touched, I’m dying.

Relevant.

Hillary is exactly like Khaleesi! She’s blonde, I can’t stand her, and she’s a better leader than all the viable alternatives.

Except I fucked up and it’s Lois. Any songs for that?

I wear Spanx while giving engineering lectures to all-male audiences. I find the squeeeziness to be really comfortable, and it keeps my posture good during long lectures. I wear corsets for ballroom dance, because it looks good, and if I don’t, I get crippling back pain after an hour.

You know what’s super feminist? Wearing Spanx if you want to, not wearing them if you don’t. I’ve had dresses I wanted them for, but generally, would rather seem a little less smooth than be uncomfortable. End of story.

I have had a cup of Yorkshire Gold every day for the past 6 months. Never, ever get sick of it, and every time I crave tea, I only want Yorkshire Gold. How is it so good?!?!?!

I have had a cup of Yorkshire Gold every day for the past 6 months. Never, ever get sick of it, and every time I…

Let’s get this out of the way – tea bags suck

Let’s get this out of the way – tea bags suck

It’s not pushing back against healthy eating, it’s pushing back against the bullshit, non-science based nonsense that idiots like the Food Babe focus on.

*mouth waters*

They should have figured out it wasn’t by a real Juggalo when they noticed all the words were spelled correctly.

Sounds like the author of this piece is not down with the clown.