Do they make personal mobility devices yet that can transport someone who is perpetually in the fetal position these days? I’m asking for a friend.

It hasn’t been a year...

More than 10 times a day. And it really, truly is mentally and spiritually exhausting. I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I were one of the dozens of millions of people who sit more squarely in the crosshairs of the cruelty and hatred he embodies.

It’ll never happen, but I sort of want the new Angeles to be the Good Chrises (Pine, Evans, Hemsworth) with Angela Basset as the new Charlie. And I want the Chrises to be shirtless most of the time. Just lean into all of that.

If we must suffer a remake, I would happily watch Lupita, but please, not Kristen. Her wooden acting is so painful to sit through. And I can already imagine her sullen pouting at photo calls for an extended Charlie’s Angels press tour.

Boats are the cars of the sea

“Welcome to the Department of Justice!”

“Why were you fired from your last job?”

“Yes, I AM a lawyer!”

Let’s get this thing started! Give em hell!

Somewhat unrelated, but we are now getting to the age where younger people don’t remember 9/11, and I’m finding it so weird. September 11th literally changed the direction of my entire life (I’m 31), and when just-out-of-college co-workers look at me like I’m a dinosaur when I say I was in Iraq, I can’t get my head…

I feel like Bam Margera is responsible for all of this...somehow...

ME: tolerance and peace is the best way to go through life. we shouldn’t infringe on somebody who’s just doing what they want
ALSO ME: we should destroy every teen

“Honestly, yeah it’s terrible,” Paul said about his neighbors’ complaints. “It’s a bad situation. No, I feel bad for them, for sure. There’s nothing we can do, though. The Jake Paulers [Paul’s fans] are the strongest army out there. Dab.” And then he dabbed.

“Boy I can’t wait for the Lifetime movie of this piss”

• 1a: Shampoo hair.
  

I love that they separate “get a manicure” and “get a pedicure” into two different items. It reminds me of how I over-itemize my work “to-do” list so I can check things off and feel like I am accomplishing something even if I’m not.

The Trump boys look like a failed cloning experiment done in jars that someone didn’t sanitize properly.

Thank goodness, my 55 gallon drum of lube is almost spent.

Thank goodness, my 55 gallon drum of lube is almost spent.

I don’t see anything wrong with this situation except the killing statement which is ridiculous and not announcing that he was a police officer.