That is a man who gets handsomer every year. Damn.

Rest assured that no one admires your shitty charms.

manny pacquio

When my wife was preggo with our first child, her midwife suggested that she eat the placenta and my wife just started laughing. The midwife was like WHAT? IT HAS NUTRIENTS and my wife was like BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOPE YOU EAT IT

I am inviting ALL the children to my wedding, but I think we agree on one important thing: That if you bring your child to a formal event with a generally adult atmosphere (with booze), it is on you to insure the child behaves, and you shouldn't expect child-friendly accommodations.

This is why I am and will always be a firm NO on the children at my wedding front. Every wedding has bumps and you have a better time if you just roll with it—but HORRIBLE KID is one disaster that I can and will avoid. Period. Some kids in my family are cool, others are total nightmares raised by iPads who have the…

I didn't have children at my wedding simply because

I'm in the no-kids camp because, frankly, most parents of young kids I know (so, you know, my friends) are absolutely terrible about controlling their children and monitoring their behavior in public. At my brother's wedding, there were only a couple children, including flower girl and ring bearer, neither of whom I…

So You Think You Can Lance

I would like to objectify a lemon cake right now.

"...piggy poop balls."

This is some kind of metaphor for the GOP's attitude towards the poor, I'm 95% sure of it

Hopefully the coach will be a little more specific in the future when he calls for the runs.

I know that this kind of vigilante justice is another aspect of rape culture, but damned if it isn't satisfying.

Unrelated but omg your username is the bomb.

Did Mr. Bates have a ticket to Conway?

I love cooking, and one of the best things about being married is having someone else around to eat my food, but it does seem a bit oppressive at times. I like to keep it on an even keel by naming my dishes after famous feminists. Such as my Lucretia Mott Marinara Sauce or Sojourner Truth Spicy Chicken Chili or…

Yeah! Stay home and vacation in the good ol' US of A. A plutocracy built on slave labour!