You have to hire someone to feed you like you're a baby bird. It's pricey.

OMG YOU GUYS. Best email ever from my mother.

OK. Those twins are super tiny and adorable and I totally teared up at them. But that elephant kid climbing all over mom and rubbing his goddamn butt on her and she's like "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN I PLEASE JUST TAKE A NAP FOR TEN MINUTES WITHOUT YOU TOUCHING ME" and he's all, "But my butt itches!" and she's laying…

Let's all marry that lady, it won't be weird

Looks like he was playing the Browns this week, too.

wrong, you're wrong.

What I'm most surprised by is how Vladimir Putin finds the time to referee. That guy is everywhere.

wow i used one real word in that sentence, and it was an unusual version of a common name. i raise the bar everywhere i go, i am a fucking legend.

I'd rather have a Little Prairie On The House.

An old high school classmate (Facebook friend, but not a real friend) just named her daughter Kamryn.

Donald Sterling needs to lay lower than this.

Not an MRA, but a martial artist here. My objection to the groin kick is that it is pretty easy to defend against. If you get the chance, by all means go for it. But, don't be overly dependant on it or assume that you will get that chance.

Oh, Lordy... the MRA shrieking over this is gonna be EPIC.

Maybe if he bought 99 Nokia phones instead, they could have been... N-Gage'd

Also Tony Leung. That man.

HAND is gonna be the new "I can't even". "She is so stupid. HAND".

If diminished productivity is the downside of remaining childless, I accept.

I want to meet her so badly, if only to say- "Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you: I love you(r voice)."

You're just an outlier far left on the distribution curve. HDMI is a minimum requirement now, not a drawback.