I lose a lot of teeth in my sleep.

“It is 2015 and our fans still eat casseroles."

What is wrong with you Patriots fans and writing that same damn line at me, over and over? Be original.

It’s circumstantial, but you have to be a dumb dumb to not be able to connect the dots when the ball boy is texting Brady that he’s nervous about the investigation, and that the equipment manager who is questioning the ball boys “knows [Brady] didn’t do it [himself].” Or, when the ball boys are texting each other…

Zing!

So the "Deflator" nickname really was about weight loss? The texts on the ball boys' phones were fabricated?

Apparently, MontyBurnsPython has taken this as a personal attack against MontyBurnsPython.

Have you not been following this case, or are you just a blind Patriots homer?

I come back from lunch and suddenly everything on Deadspin is huge. I DIDN’T KNOW YOUR TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC WAS OCTOGENIARIANS.

Just waiting for the day JJ Watt pours bleach on a baby.

Just imagine what would have happened to the terrorists had he been on that flight with Mark Wahlberg.

You do know that this was the NFL’s intent all along, right? They grabbed headlines all summer long because of this non-story-turned-conspiracy (and not because someone, you know, punched a woman this time!).

“I hate bullies.”

Apparently, Dallas' only funny fan is from Australia.

The state of North Carolina is to football what country of China is to tacos. They’ve heard of it, and some savvy members of the community may have tried it and developed a taste for the cuisine, but by-and-large it’s a novelty at best.

So he's Dwight Howard?

and fuck you too.

I’m sure there are more, please feel free to add.

He did seem to have many kin(s).

Are you talking about yourself? Because I wasn't planning on looking at a dick while at work.