Pedro's exceptional knowledge of baseball can, in no way, be considered "strange."

Whoa, did I offend you somehow? Well how's this for offensive: I side with Real in that rivalry. Not exactly a fan of either, though.

Mascherano's tackle wasn't even close to being a foul.

Should have ended it with “everything is fucking.” Because, if we’re being honest with ourselves, this was the entire season.

So what you're saying is, even though he doesn't have lice, he probably has crabs?

“For shame, Mapou. For shame.”

Isn't supermanning an overnight process? That bottle is gonna be in that coo-coo for awhile.

“Is oral sex safe.”

But seriously, how mentally ill is the 3rd grader who wrote those lyrics?

Steven: I hate to break it to you, but Seven by To the Pain is one of the worst songs I have ever heard. I am not exaggerating.

Way too much arc on those shots. Kobe shoots lasers.

This is why the old Deadspin commenters cite you, specifically, when they note the reasons why they are leaving the site.

The Padres also look very unfavorably upon PED users, and the fact that one more positive test meant he was suspended for a year had to weigh into the decision as well. As a Padres fan, I hope that guy is still on the juice!

I'm a Padres fan and recently saw this. For all the respect I previously had for James Shields, this increased it tenfold. He didn't even hesitate to throw that punch. Ryan-esque, even though Nolan Ryan would probably have landed the punch.

Snooze. And come on, man. No one was pronouncing it "Pooh-ig." That's idiotic.

No poncho needed for the great Cornholio.

Nope. That was a pyramid scheme, not a Ponzi scheme.

This is nothing to be proud of. Especially with the Wonder Woman arms.

Counterpoint: they look 100% more dumb. At least with a Segway, you have something to lean against. On these, you just stand.

Missed and easy chance to make this an actually clever joke had you taken the Madoff/Wilpon angle, instead of the tired LOLMETS angle.