I don't think you guys are getting this. It's because he's fat.

It's LOLMETS. Not LOLPHILLIES.

I’m surprised they haven’t received more retweets. On a cold night at the park, that jersey would keep a family of four warm.

Assuming it takes 3 minutes to properly toast bread, who waits 6 minutes to start buttering? Come on, man.

What the fuck are you talking about? You realize that the only reason the other writers aren't "no names" is because you've seen there names on Deadspin, right? Who the fuck knew who Barry Petchesky was before he started writing here? No offense, Barry.

JJ was just doing his best impression of Marshawn. That was Darren Sharper taking the picture.

Sad, that you miss JR Smith and his barely 40% shooting.

Absolutely crazy that the Warriors’ peak (Tuesday's game) is tied for the third highest of all time.

“B here 4 a...."

Wouldn't have to be a Grammar Nazi if Barry wasn't such a Grammar Jew.

*your

If he was patient with petulant child Jay Cutler, he can be patient with a young QB.

Kidnapping a quarterback didn’t work out too well for Finkle/Einhorn.

“I gotta get my larinex fixed.”

It’s kind of cute to think that a kid from the compound printed pages out of the Guinness Book of World Records of marks he thought he could beat.

Anthony Bass would be a good fit in name; a terrible fit for anything else.

How do billionaires get to be billionaires when they just believe everything someone close to them says?

Get. The. Fuck. Outta here.

Anthony Thomas won ROY over LaDainian Tomlinson

Jacob Hester.