Bill Hader is fantastic, as always.

Could you please relay this to whoever had the brilliant idea to bring back Deadcast? Because almost all of us echo your sentiment: we would rather read.

This is a death wish. As in, Simmons to Deadspin would be the death of Deadspin.

Was not expecting you to say Burke. It's Marchman that likes garbage cereal.

The correct answer was Sweet Baby Ray's

Not sure how a 19 year old who murdered his 23 year old step father and dates a 15 year old isn't A level crime. I know it's Florida, but this is an elite crime no matter where it took place.

She has a gold chain with a word (her name?) on it in that picture....

So you're saying Deadspin should republish handicappers' picks?

If Tom Brady likes a smaller football, then we can easily conclude that he has small, feminine hands. If he has small, feminine hands, then we can easily conclude that Tom Brady has a micro-penis.

You are either one of the dumbest human beings on earth, a blind homer, or both. My money is on the latter.

It makes me smile to know that Mayweather's lawyers have to read this lawsuit to him, like it's story time in kindergarten. I like to think Floyd listens along with a juice box and a blankie.

Yes

"Agers"

"This is pure greed."

T'would have been really cool if you would have put their actual ages so we could determine how accurate the app is without having to google every name. For instance, I assumed Steve Francis was like, 35, since he washed out of the NBA early, but then BOOM, he's 38 and this app is brilliant.

Whew, you really would have dodged a bullet had you got Merriman! Just think, if he was in Minnesota, he never would have been able to beat Tila Tequila in southern California! And he most surely would not have used steroids. (What I'm trying to say is, Merriman was a bust as well.)

But...Vonnie Holliday had a solid career. 20 other teams passed on Moss too...he had a million off field and on field issues. I feel like this can't be the one draft pick you'd take back (coughTonyMandarichcough).

I'm not usually one to correct a spelling mistake, but in this instance, I think that is fair to point out your error since there is a neat (although well known) fact about Dan that you might be missing. His last name is spelled McGwire, and he is Mark McGwire's brother.

HOT TAKE

I hope this is true. And I hope the Bucs draft Mariota and leave the Browns with Winston.