I used to get a burrito from the place around the corner every day (I was super poor, and they were big enough to have half for lunch, half for dinner.)

Titleist? :)

Are you Art Vandelay?!

Another development professional! Yup, if they’re major donors, then, yeah...Debbie, it is!

I met a bulldog Buttercup, too! I was so excited because I was with my dog, Fezzik. Fezzik and Buttercup! When I excitedly told the dog’s owner my dog’s name all I got was a blank stare. I was like, “Buttercup and Fezzik...like, from The Princess Bride!” “Oh,” she said. “I’ve never seen that, but I know what you’re…

I’m in the bathroom crying. At work. I can’t even understand my reaction. I fucking love Prince, but even I would not have expected this reaction from me.

I enjoy the theme song! In fact, I’m pretty sure my dog has had enough of my singing “Ooooh....dammit!” constantly.

I can’t possibly be the only person who uses different hot sauces for different things, right? Right?!

The fuck? What kind of person is so lacking in empathy that they would do something like this? Fucking psycho. Yes, I know she’s a kid...but fuck her.

Dude. My 21 year old daughter is studying abroad this year. Her iCloud sent her nudie pics (that she is apparently very fond of taking) across my screen saver. I was horrified. I couldn’t figure out wtf was happening. When I finally did figure it out, I called her and was like, “I haven’t seen your puss since you were…

May I pile on to say that if one is older than an age that ends in “-teen,” and is using a Razor scooter or skateboard as one’s primary mode of transportation...maybe you should reexamine your life choices.

Back off! We’ve been secretly married since I was 14 (so secretly, in fact, that he has no idea!)

Whaaaatt? How YOU doin’, Ponies?!

*Crispus, not Crispin

Was Tamron Hall unavailable, or was mealy-mouthed Savannah Guthrie always their first choice to conduct this interview? I’m genuinely curious if this...person would try to spout this shit with a POC interviewer who could school her on how much privilege it takes to pretend to be a person of color knowing you’ve never…

Yes. I hate Michael...the actor is soooo bad. His “acting” is painful to watch - which is a shame because I enjoy the show so much, otherwise.

It’s not about YOU, boo. Take what you want and leave the rest.

Were you not yet born in 2008? If not, I’d like to compliment you on your exemplary (for an eight-year-old) typing and cognitive abilities.

Ya know, Bill Clinton was the first time I voted for president, and my candidate won! But in the past few years, he’s said some foul shit that had me, like:

Thanks! He’s not particularly big (except his head!), but people are afraid of him because he’s a pitbull...but he’s actually very sweet - like the movie character!