In Siberia, kerosene road burns you!

Considering Republicans use the deepwater horizon oil spill footage to jerk off to, yeah, I also find the “littering” charge dubious.

They could literally leave a gold (plated) water bottle, frankincense and myrrh out there on Christmas, for a woman named Maria with a baby named Jesus to find, and our alleged Christian, pro-”life” government wouldn’t get the message. 

Doesn’t ‘officially’ support, you mean. Just duct tape that sumbitch!

It’s okay, most of his fans wouldn’t kill adult Hitler, either.

When the head of the terrorist cell we interviewed, he said

Cheer up. You probably always make the short list.

I never get picked for anything.......

Welp, Clayton Bigsby isn’t real.

I know there’s probably no legitimate reason, but I wish our border guards could stop him from entering. “Nope, go use your own healthcare, Ayn Rand.”

It turns out being a huge dick is a lot more strenuous than having one. 

That said, the fact that the foot expert in question is a fetishist and lead with “I’ve sucked enough toes” is both creepy as fuck (as it’s an objectification of an unwilling participant)

I just find it amazing we live in a reality where the good people of the WikiFeet community are better journalists than most of the mainstream press.

But they’re coming tonight, the national champions, subject to the weather.

Trump’s notes from the meeting:

I said he’ll flip you. Flip you for real.

So Rock beats Paper? Hat can't be right.

“Meanwhile, The Daily Star’s story continues to be up on the paper’s site; the organization has been sued for (and settled over) libel charges a number of times over the years, but it’s still baffling that they thought they could get away with allegedly straight-up inventing an interview with one of Earth’s most…