I might clear out my savings for a holiday.

I only managed to chop off around 4” after my last break up. Maybe I should have gone the whole way! Maybe if it gets hot this summer. I’m saying maybe a lot. Maybe.

Thanks! Your comment made me smile. I hope it gets better for you soon too. :)

Yeah, I do. I feel silly complaining all the time, but tonight I feel like I’m struggling to hold it together and I’m bad at reaching out for help.

Oil or hand moisturiser helps mine... and then a layer of strengthening top coat stuff if I’m too lazy for colours.

Dear Jezebel,

I have some nice cups that can’t go in the dishwasher, so they’re dirty and by the sink. I don’t know how long they’ve been there and I don’t want to.

Me too. Most of my dishes are chipped now from over filling my dishwasher due to laziness and incompetence (a winning combination), but now I’m going to use being green as an excuse.

I rock clown lips regularly. It’s probably the quickest way to look ready for the day. I find eye make up tricky in the morning because they keep trying to close and go back to sleep. So I guess my look is tired, skeptical clown. During the week anyway.

Ahh! I’ve just been cleansing with pure oils because I’m cheap (and I’ve been getting good results), but I love lemon meringue so now I’m tempted.

A puddle of butter that I would like to roll around in. Butter is love.

It looks like the river of butter I’ve always dreamed of. Sigh.

Yes please. Now all I need is some glue as an eyelash primer and I’m all set!

I’ll write those instructions on my mirror.

Is that piracy?

I aim to please.

Thanks! As a sentient slice of half buttered toast I consider myself very qualified. Over qualified if anything.

Same with skin. It’s best to take a casual approach with layers. All layers.

Can the next millihelen feature be a tutorial for how to look like that woman? Thanks in advance!

Having skin is so 2014. Out with the neck fat, out with the skin. That’s my motto!