I wouldn’t.

I had to have shoulder surgery that involved the grinding down of a bone spur, which they told me would hurt like hell. I told my surgeon and my anesthesiologist that my medical history was not kind to heavy pain killer use and that they needed to come up with some options for me. You know what? They did come up with…

You know what they really need to do is a serious takedown of All In The Family.

I think the scientists have been eating too many mushrooms.

Yes.  God forbid there should be a show on television that actually requires some degree of attention to be paid to it, instead of drunk family members throwing shit at each other.

The American President, Moneyball.

You mean, besides nothing?

Hey, that’s my old district! Bill Richardson was Rep when I lived there.

“Damned straight!”

Well, then, there’s still hope you’ll run into him on the street some day so you can collect:)

Let me guess: drinking and/or drugs are why his parents kicked him out?

It’s amazing how much the ability to read and a basic proficiency in math can help you with understanding things.

But only the hot broads.

Free markets!

Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Lifebuoy, on the other hand...

That sucks.  Do the squirrels have other food sources to distract them?  They love things like dried corn on the cob or sunflower seeds.  Perhaps having an available stash of bribery available away from the garden may keep them occupied.

I owed someone several thousand dollars for the better part of a quarter century. I’m finally paying them back.

I accidentally killed a pretty bird almost shot my eye out when I was nine with a Red Ryder BB Gun. It landed on a fence in the distance and I was showing a friend how easy the trigger was to pull. I wasn’t even aiming. It was probably my seventh or eighth BB shot from that May birthday gift. It was the very first…

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Are they stealing ripe tomatoes?  If so, pull them the very minute they start to turn color and keep them inside in a paper bag (check the bag EVERY DAY) until they ripen.