You could have typed that message with a shit-ring on your finger without even knowing it.

My brother's dog ate so many socks that he (seriously) started picking them out of the dog's shit piles and washing them.

When the two brown-haired guys were staying at Downton, they were actually both interested in her, but the initially friendly one didn't stand a chance.

What???!! It's not supposed to be the same dog! Pharaoh died between seasons and Isis replaced him!

I keep asking my partner this question: what particular quality does Mary (with her schoolmarmish appearance and sensibilities) have that makes her so apparently irresistible? It can't be her money/position because two of the three men who want her are richer/higher positioned that she is.

I KNOW!!!! Those three guys are identical—I could NEVER tell them apart.

You are hilarious.

I love this story. You are a genius.

Again...I love your stories, but please. What the hell is with the lowercase? And the random punctuation? I can't even.

Adultosaur,

My first thought was that this young woman might be known as "the daughter of Satan" among her schoolmates, and the yearbook crew had a bit of fun with her father's paid ad....perhaps thinking they'd remove it before it went to press. And then they forgot...and no one ever actually reads those ads, so no one noticed.

Not that the cake-purchasers will be eating it, BUT the wedding cake is likely not moldy at all because it would have probably been a traditional fruitcake recipe, which can last for decades: http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/can-eat-fruitc…

I have it on good authority that Idris Elbas has a micropenis and is proud of it.

I don't have a TV, so I usually just read about US news. Thus, I haven't seen Obama in a few years. He got old FAST.

I had a boss once who made me serve him and his ex-prostitute mistress with his wife's divorce papers. He was a lawyer and his wife's lawyer called him to say that he'd drawn up the divorce papers, but they needed to be served. To save money on a process server, my boss had them deliver the papers to the office and…

This is the greatest invention ever made:

Same here!! And even then, I'll recline it, like, two inches to get a bit of an angle. Meanwhile, the guy in front of me shoves that sucker back the minute the seatbelt sign goes off!

So this post is an advertisement...for Herbal Essences? But you have commenting on as though it's a real post? I don't get it.

"A protein"...yeesh...as if protein is a discrete food entity.

That dang Happy song is awesssssome.