i’d rather get intimate with a fresh jalapeno while listening to the audiotape of 50 shades of grey than hang out with any of these people.

That is a whole bag of hemorrhoid rippers.

I think it’s great that they seem to survive this kind of thing, but I’m damned if I can understand how. Good for them.

Like this lady?

I once hit a farmer’s pig. The kids were on vacation from school and thought it would be funny to open the barnyard’s gate. It was Christmas time and I had a few drinks so I really shouldn’t have been driving. I was like 10 minutes from my house. So I get out of the car to take a look and here is this pig still alive…

Poor owl! I got a butterfly stuck in my grill once and my brother took a picture of it and a picture of me blowing bubbles, dressed as Glenda and emailed it to all of his friends with the subject “BUTTERFLY MURDERER.”

I feel your pain. I started in FL (surf, sun & serial killers), went to MS (I know), and then to NC (thankfully in a “blue” island). I guess I just need Kansas and Texas to get a full house of fuckery.

This just made me giggle so hard. Excellent phrasing!

It’s all for show for the idiots in Texas who vote but don’t look at senators voting records or campaign contributors. You know the people who think Ted Cruz is anti establishment when his wife is a major banker. Ted Cruz is not a libertarian. Libertarians don’t try to get up in women’s rights or a person’s gender or…

I like you

No, he went way right once he decided he would run for governor. He’s actually really smart, and by all accounts a decent person, but he’s worn me out as the governor. I’m so tired of the tea party.

Well, on the bright side, the governor of Texas actually has WAY less power than the governor of Louisiana.

He definitely wasn’t as bad as he is now when he was AG.

Our system down here is nothing short of Orwellian: the person who has the least to do with governing the State of Texas is the Governor of the State of Texas. If it were otherwise, two decades of W. and “Oops” Perry would have wrecked the place already.

You poor soul. You can’t catch a break.

That’s state government. State goverment is perfectly fine, a noble profession. It’s only the federal gov that’s vile and corrupt and wants to rob us of our guns, i mean jobs, i mean bodily fluids or whatever we’re pissed about this week.

Should have done some research.

I HATE THE GOVERNMENT AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR AND I’MMA OVERTHROW IT. Career choice: Governor (??)

Does anyone remember the game “Perfection”? THAT is the best gift for a kid you hate. It’s scientifically designed to be nearly impossible and half the time you’re struggling so hard to hurry up your hands would be shaking and then you’d just feel like such an asshole when you couldn’t manage to get the octagon in as…

I’ve seen this before.