Look at the number of dildo assaults to back this up

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet intakes.

The actual fantasy I have is kidnapping Assad - a far more difficult endeavour. Then making him cry like the coward he is on tape, while commanding his forces to stop massacring his own people.
Then kill him. I’m thinking some kind of force-feeding of his own balls to him. But classy.

Also, I would not kill Hitler. I’d…

Fun fact about alcohol: it’s a vasodilator, which means that it causes blood vessels to expand. That’s why you feel warmer if you have a drink as more blood than usual rushes to the surface of your skin. Chronic abuse of alcohol weakens these blood vessels so they eventually burst, leading to the ruddy, uneven…

And analyze. Lots of analyzing. And I would have punctuated with an enormous number of colons.

The thought of Rex Tillerson and Boris Johnson in a sauna together makes me want to lobotomize myself.

I think he likes to talk tough to compensate for the fact he’s terrified of stairs.

Technically he didn’t open a second front in Asia because he never made it past the urals but your point still stands.

The only people who think war is good are the ones who have never fought in a war.

I think a great way to tell if the person you’re talking to saw ground combat is how eager they are to push the military option. Granted not everyone is the same, but my grandpa (on a minesweeper in Pearl Harbor when it was bombed), my dad (tunnel rat in Vietnam), and a close friend of mine (marine in Iraq mid-2000s),…

+1 Barbarossa

“Opening a second front in Asia is a fantastic idea.”

Turning a blankable canvas towards the camera for the internet to edit is the new Republican eating a corndog at the state fair. Keep up the good work, Gospodin President.

If you’re willing to be the back half of a moose, I’ve got a plan...

I’m 33 and my favorite book is still Everybody Poops.

The same way you go from a Nobel Prize winner at Energy to a Dancing with the Stars loser.

Bush actually read quite a lot! Something like two books a week. That’s right: Trump makes George W. Bush look like a fucking academic.

You know things are bad when wasting tens of billions of dollars just to piss off Mexico seems like one of the less awful things to come out of the White House.

Migratory birds and mammals such as jaguars will care about the wall. Yet another pussy that hates Trump.