The hot dog joke at the end made me fall out of my chair.

I was once at a party where the host announced to the whole room - proudly - that she bandited the charity bike ride I am now co-producing. When I told her she was stealing, she yelled, "I pay the city enough money!" Then I started to say that so did we, in order to produce the ride (the city had nothing to do with)…

Well, then you can tell your mom's uterus to try again and get it right this time.

What are you - 12?

Not a good one, fuck face.

It's a franchise, not an independent business - first amendment rights protect you from government punishment, not from getting fired for being an asshole.

Correction, most Illinoisans live in Chicago suburbs, so of course life sucks balls for them.

This makes complete sense since most of the state lives in the Chicago suburbs.

/CUMS

Raising a Cubs fan is child abuse.

"Tiger Woods." LOL. Of course, Vermont. Of COURSE.

Todd O'Connor approves.

There are plenty of Chicago bros who went to Normal or DeKalb and wear Big 10. Don't forget hitting Weiner's Circle after midnight so they can scream at a black, female, minimum wage earner and feel good afterwards.

I've been trying to get sarcasm on the curriculum for years...

Proof that all the douchebags in Wrigleyville are from the suburbs.

Very proud that Chicago's shape is outlined by the White Sox color code.

Colbert wasn't using black people or homosexuals to illustrate his point.