Hot Dog! Right Here!

You’re right, which is why he’s NEVER allowed to eat table scraps. We don’t feed him people food ever. Hence... He got sick when he ran around the house finding any morsel of food dropped on the ground - from the kitchen to the dining room. We have over 40 people at our Thanksgiving dinner - kind of hard to stop…

I never throw up in the toilet because it grosses me out. My preferred vomit receptacle is usually a small trash can lined with a Target bag. This way I can puke from the comfort of my own bed. Don't judge.

Being a native Ohioan, I am quite familiar with the desolate stretch of interstate of which you speak. Even when construction isn't a factor, there is NOTHING along that highway. I believe there's literally a 12-mile stretch with no exit at one point. I feel your pain even stronger given that I too was once…

Alright, I’ve never posted anything on Jez but I can’t resist this one-

(I am writing this on behalf of my dog).

Jezebel, please offer $10,000 for pictures of Tom and John together holding hands. If you care about us at all, you will do this. Gawker Media needs this. Corgis the world over need this. Dudebro my backyard squirrel needs this.

Not to mention ISIS. I mean, we have bigger fish to fry here, lady. You can't solve anything unless you solve my thing first.

children are also starving in africa so i don't know what she is complaining about

Should've gotten Erlich.

These stories always remind me of the Michael Scott Diversity Training

FUCKING "PAN." You know his real name is Michael or Stephen or something mundane like that.

One of my last semesters in college I had let my roommate talk me into renting an apartment at a really weird apartment complex in Austin called the Metropolis which was painted psychedelic colors and housed a lot of artistic and obviously drug friendly people. I was a middle class kid from a small town and a huge…

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

My first semester of law school, final exams. I was so stressed, I wasn't eating. In fact, I weighed less then than I had since middle school.

Sir, the library is closing, you'll have to leave.

And c'mon, nobody went Kaleessi?

By the time they enroll, most UNC and Duke students know how to spell and use proper grammar.

You are part of the problem.

FYI, you're kind of an entitled asshole. The reason many places ban perfume is because of people with allergies, asthma, or migraines. Perfume can trigger a hour or days long migraine for some people.