DeSean Jackson (shoulder) did not speak to reporters as he left field after practice.

It’s all applesauce. I tried to rip a goose route down the gullet of the trench and he just put ham on my bannister. I’d had enough and I let my ancestors control my fists. The rest is history. We all covered our perfect bodies in exotic oils in the locker room and achieved many physical and spiritual orgasms while…

Based on the less-than-healthy nature of the stools, police are looking for a man afflicted with anal fjords.

Our GM drove a 102 win team into the cellar in less than a 5 years. You don't want the Rockies to learn anything from that.

Tom Brady deflated all 12 balls at the same time with as many arms as Vishnu.

The internet shall not rest until Tom Brady loses his right to practice dentistry.

Tom Brady lied and killed babies with his lies and I saw one of the babies and it smilied at me.

The Cryin’ Hawaiian

He’s on the record as saying nice things about Puerto Ricans, though. I even heard him say, “There’s no such thing as bad PR.”

Paint yourself silver first?

Maybe Farmer is just a lonely guy who likes connecting with people through texts. If only there was a place for people like him. Where he wouldn’t be lonely. Like a website for Farmers who are lonely. He doesn’t have to be lonely, you know. Oh, well.

Docker Brains Out

The fucking LeBrons or whatever

IcAnHaznExTNoL@NRy@n34Plz

The Warriors are so good, they've already announced they'll be solving California's drought crisis by bringing the city of Cleveland's tears back with them.

Bonus GIF

He must’ve been drinking some coarse grinds to get all that grit