I’ve been sober since 1996 because I can’t disentangle the words “bar” and “fight”.

My son was carrying a plate of lasagna next to our new couch while watching the TV. The helplessness and dread I felt as I watched it slide off his plate onto the new furniture in slow motion is the same I felt watching that clip.

It’s assholes all the way down, man...

No.

You are an intern... They KNOW you are broke. If you bust your ass, are cool, and honest about being broke I would guarantee someone or a few someones would buy a drink or two just to ensure you are part of the team. If not, you likely suck as an intern or your coworkers suck as people. It's just part of being on the…

It’s not hatred, it’s just saying that that is not something they believe in. Nowhere in the Bible does it say to hate people who aren’t Christians or people who don’t live the way the Bible says you should. It says to love them anyways and pray for them. Anyone who claims to be a Christian but acts like a jerk…

Dude it’s just Chik-fil-a calm down

Did you make it at home? No. Therefore you went out for breakfast.

Does a brown bagged tallboy of Colt 45 from the gas station for breakfast count as ‘dining out’?

Once I ordered a gin and tonic with rail gin but the bartender had just finished the bottle on the previous customer and didn’t have time to grab and open a new one so she made my drink with Tanqueray, so know exactly what this is like.

If you are going to have the sausage mcgriddle and sausage mcmuffin, why would you eliminate the sausage biscuit? Either way, you have to have the sausage available for the mcmuffin and mcgriddle, and have to have the biscuit available for the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, so therefore you have all ingredients…

They should have one that’s a question mark, because that’s what all emojis look like on my mom’s phone.

(You know this was going to happen)

Yes. Because of the moving parts, extra dishes (2 plates, one bowl, cutting board and knife), and the 1 minute cooking increments, this method seems like more work than just putting it on the stove, browning, and then letting cool before skimming and straining.

upside down soft serve ice cream

Every Sunday, I wage a war on my fitted sheet as I attempt to put it on my mattress, struggling to fit it around one corner as it pops off another.

As a kid I just assumed the thing on McDonalds burgers was some weird amazing ketchup onion sauce. The onions themselves have such a unique texture though, like onion-flavored crystals. My wife worked there at some point in her youth and she vaguely remembers the burger onions being delivered frozen.

Put the sauce / viscous condiments on the bun, then add diced onions and shredded lettuce on top of the condiments. They serve as a glue to hold the veggies in place.

Man, these grey comments about workers not being able to handle the content of a game they signed on to make, way to miss the point. Exposure to material like this effects the human psyche negatively, blanket statement, end of story. Even if the extent of that damage is desensitization and is largely not at a…

I swear this is because two drunk marketers made a bet.