Very upset about the omission of strozzapreti. Any foodstuff that is named after murder is a winner in my book.

Or it’s about, you know, making a choice about priorities. I would love to be an elite-level rock guitarist, but I don’t want to put in the time to make that happen. It’s not “settling” as long as I’m doing other things that fulfill me (i.e. being very excellent at going to yoga and looking like a turtle trying to…

Solid rephrase— not shifting blame, but also acknowledging that you don’t remember this. Given that Cross went after Larry the Cable Guy hard when Larry said some racist stuff, you wouldn’t think he’d be saying much, much worse things to an Asian woman. What a bummer.

***MegynKelly’s Guide to the Paranormal***

This is excellent. Remind me to never, ever pick a fight with you.

Megyn Kelly Today is sucking the life out of her staff almost as fast as it’s sucking the life out of Bobby.

“Megyn’s wardrobe department is doing a good job.”

Yes, heaven forbid that a pregnant woman with Hyperemesis Gravidarum eat an extra egg in the morning!

I love that he got super jealous of his wife for having a purse to hold all her stuff, and decided “Fuck it, Imma get my own damn purse!”

Also, President Comacho knew he was an idiot.

Yiiiikes. So sorry to hear that they did this to you! Good for you for speaking up now though.

Man, I wish my life was so great that driving a couple of hours for a condiment only to be disappointed would make me go into full on meltdown mode.

Argh! Me too! I was all shocked, because Fierstein seems like a nice enough guy. Seems like Weinstein, meanwhile, has always been known as a moody twatwaffle.

What a horrifying way to be deflowered!

Way to let the baristas know which cups to spit in!

I enjoyed this comment so very much.

Oh, I agree, but mobs favor flashy, low-hanging fruit. That’ll teach ‘em to ditch their security detail and stay out past curfew!

Ugh, I know, right? I keep thinking of that scene from A Tale of Two Cities where that fancy aristocrat runs over the kid with his carriage and then yells at the kid’s dad. Didn’t work out so great for him!

If revolution happens, you can be assured the Rich Kids of Instagram will be the first to visit Madame Guillotine.

It broke my heart when students stopped understanding my Princess Bride references.

On the plus side, apparently while Mr. Burnit was teaching, a student’s cell phone played the “Where are all the white women at?” from Blazing Saddles. He had to leave because he was laughing so hard. The student had never heard of the…