“and probably the stereo of your neighbor who’s playing “Hello” on repeat through your wall.”

Yup! Sometimes my boyfriend is too tired to have sex-sex so he just goes down on me and then we go to sleep. I’M KEEPING HIM FOREVER!

what store can I buy my own version of you from?

I always use this metaphor when having this conversation with guys like this dude:

The day I decided I would not have sex with any man who didn’t first make me cum with his mouth was the day I left sexual purgatory and was admitted to Elysian Fields.

real conversation i’ve had with a tinder date

You should never EVER give someone in your life access to any of that, nor should they ask for it. It is the NUMBER ONE red flag in emotionally abusive or controlling relationships. If you don’t trust them and they don’t trust you enough to keep your email or social media private, get out of that shitty relationship.

I do. Asking your SO for access to their phone/email/facebook sounds like a violation of their privacy, and I don’t think you should construe their desire to maintain that privacy as secrecy.

I get what you’re saying in principle, but I don’t think it works in practice. A friend of mine cheated and her husband would demand to go through her phone and email every night, and even go through her purse looking for burners. It was just very dehumanizing and degrading. And the joint Facebook account is a…