This was probably less likely to cause offense than the Land O’ Lakes maiden.

Also, there are lots of reasons why you’d want to be able to DM a company. I see this kind of interchange all the time.

I am a self-respecting human, which means I only eat the compressed pig asshole loaf that looks appetizing.

There’s clearly a strategic posture in between “letting the shipments go through” and “firing on Iranian ships.” It seems like that the middle ground probably involves letting a few Saudi ships try to stop the Iranian ships and having a carrier as the silent partner looming behind them. The US might never declare that…

I love the luminescent algae (?) you can see around 0:42 on the sides of the whale’s jaw (?).

Because why would Guam want to be? You’re just assuming Guamanians want to be an independent country. In a 1976 referendum, independence only garnered 5% of the vote. http://www.guampedia.com/guams-politica…

One in every three women in America have had (or will have) an abortion. It’s pretty normal.

Putting your car keys in your microwave will make absent-minded coffee reheating a very expensive prospect.

Assume from context: “wear a condom”

Some people with schizophrenia do develop an understanding that their symptoms are products of a mental illness. That doesn’t make the delusions less real, but that insight makes it easier to take medications regularly and maintain good self-care. Of course, lots of people with schizophrenia don’t develop that kind of…

But that's not news; Iran has always had the ability to make life in the Persian Gulf miserable if it wanted to. It could also shoot down planes in the Persian Gulf area with its own air force or advance ships into the Gulf to harass shipping. Nor is there really a way for Iran to maintain any kind of air defense that…

Yeah, I didn't understand this at all. I don't really understand why the statement that the SAMs are defensive and "will not put at risk the security of any state in the region, including Israel" was partially true. If the missiles have a 75 mile range, that sounds like a defensive weapon. Israel is not within 75…

It's not some stranger's hair. Having the hair of some line cook in your food is vastly different from having your wife's hair around. I prefer my food un-haired, but I also recognize that once you sign up to go down on someone for the rest of your lives, it's a little bit ridiculous to worry about their stray hair in…

Add some scotch tape to the routine.

Co-sign. This is bullshit. Your hair is your hair. It's not dropping out to spite him. Having your hair fall out, especially for a woman, is a shitty experience to go through. His beef is that he has to use a lint brush on himself once in a while? Get over yourself, husband.

If you want to make practical use of old aircraft carriers, without making a ridiculous engineering problem for no reason, why not sink one of these into soft mud off lower Manhattan and make the most bad-ass looking pier ever?

Ugh. Were people really in suspense whether Deadspin was pro- or con-mass murder?

While you’re at it, can you please articulate Deadspin’s position on the Holocaust, poisoning puppies, child rape, and that California initiative to shoot all gay people in the head? I cannot sleep while I am in such suspense.

According to the police report, the victim had his cell phone in her hand in the course of an argument about him getting a text message from another woman. He attempted to retrieve the phone from her. In the course of the struggle for the phone, he grabbed her arms hard enough to bruise and scratched her neck.

I’m still angry about the extinction of the Steller’s sea cow 250 years ago, an Alaskan relative of the manatee. It would be so cool to live in a world with Steller’s sea cows.