That’s actually just another pair of khakis folded up.

D.B. Pooper

Are you kidding me? Of course he does, and like a true winner, he finishes first.

At the end of the game, Jim yelled out “Who’s got it better than us?” and in unison, the family screamed “Nobody!” and then everybody went inside and had pancakes and fucked. The Aristocrats!!

Alternative headline:

We should all be so happy in life, regardless of our skill level.

Who needs him? Hey, anytime a team has no GM, an unproven DC and OC, and gives its 21-26-1 coach an extension, free agents just naturally flock to that team. It practically sells itself!

I don’t eat before working out because I don’t want to vomit. There was this one time that I ate some Boston Market and then went on a run.....it wasn’t pretty.

“... hit a set of spike strips going 115 MPH, subsequently barreled off of the road and into a drainage ditch, launched the truck into the air and landed on a car parked at a restaurant” 

As a white Christian, I agree with this 100%. Most Evangelicals, in my opinion, are people who like to use Christianity as an excuse to be the biggest possible dicks they can to their fellow human beings. And they’re mostly white.

Smoking weed everyday helps me in my recovery from that workout I did in ‘05.

I read a post by a political science professor that I think bears noting:

Couldn’t edit my response, so adding here:

I had a friend growing up whose backyard abutted a moderately busy road. We used to stand in his front yard, and using one of those large diameter plastic baseball bats, hit rocks over his backyard onto said road. Also, me and a different friend would use real (metal) baseball bats to hit golf balls on to the next…

At the age where we were old enough to play elsewhere in the neighborhood without adult supervision but still young enough we were insecure about crapping anywhere other than our own homes, we were playing football when one of the younger kids mumbled something and made that familiar, panicked waddle for his home.

We…

Real Americans eat KFC*

*With a fork and knife on their private jet and have their assistant tweet a picture of it.

Chip Kelly wasn’t fired though. According to Jed York, the Santa Clara 49ers are a design-centric organization undergoing a paradigm shift, one that requires a pivot away from old influencers in order to regain traction in an emerging market!

"A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime."