The guy is a wrestler from Iowa.

There are times I’m very happy to call the University of Iowa my alma mater. This is obviously one of those times.

He was like, ‘if you’re going to come to Atlanta, sometimes that’s how it is around here, you’re going to have to get used to it.’ I guess he was joking but they just ask most of these questions to see how you’re going to react.”

After Harper falls off:

"I wasn't choking him, I was just helping him down!!" - John Papelbon

Didn’t Sherman say that to them as he burned their godforsaken town?

Coach: Nice to meet you Eli but let’s get down to business. Do you like men?

I don’t even get it. Get used to what? Having men hit on you? Being asked whether you like men? Being made inappropriately uncomfortable?

We just want to know how well you will cover tight ends.

Will you wear form-fitting clothes, be willing to jam your man at the line, cover him tight - or with the help of a buddy - and wrestle him down to the ground when necessary?

“That’s how it is around here, you’re gonna have to get used to it”. What does this even mean? Is Atlanta known as a gay hotbed or something? I certainly never got that feeling when I was there.

Dear Golden State Coaches and Players,

“Back in my day we would have taken a club with a rusty nail at the end and bludgeoned Steph’s nuts until he couldn’t see straight, let alone shoot the ball. Refs would say ‘play on’ cause that was just good basketball defense.”

Has anyone considered just asking the Warriors to chill the fuck out?

The only person qualified to formulate a strategy for stopping Steph Curry would be Tonya Harding.

It is not enough to play 48 great minutes against Golden State, you need a 48 hour approach. Fire alarms at the hotel, sending hookers their way, slashing the team bus’s tires. If all else fails, I hear Shane Stant is looking for work.

If he bothers you, I’ll take care of him. What you’ve got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He’ll never play basketball again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he’ll push everything off to the right. He’ll never come through on…

I was going to go for the cheap Michael Vick joke but this was more creative. +1

:(

Depends. Would my sheep get jealous?