EXACTLY. I was like, “I have all these lemon LaCroix at the back of the fridge because they suck. Wonder what happens if I put them in my Chameleon cold brew?”

(the joke is that you ruined it)

and the fucking giants still can’t score 30 points!

This is a hillarious take on José Mourinho’s perceived coaching style and how his players feel about him. The Bleacher Report are hitting it out of the park with their parody series.

Big TV game for Newcastle means DeAndre Yedlin will either nutmeg Luke Shaw 20 times or score an own goal.

So after denigrating him in the primaries, Ol’ Lindsey and Trump are now bestest buddies. What do you think the Russians have on him?

Show trump this and see if he ducks under his desk.

I do "adulting right" by never referring to anything as "adulting".

Keeps it warm.

Why in the hell would you keep a chicken kiev in your ass?

I mean, would an Obama endorsement actually help win a statewide election in Texas?  Is there anyone on staff who knows the slightest bit about politics?

That’s a very small piece of toilet paper for such a large piece of shit.

What you should do is start talking to your other friends about how cheap she is behind her back. Really build up some animosity. Then if you ever go out together again, ask for split checks, but only 2 of them. One for the table and one for her. And if you’re in line for coffee tell Claire and Alice to go ahead and…

In the circles I travel in, that’s what is known as the Floating $20. If you’re short one night, someone will spot you. They don’t ask you to pay them back. Instead, if someone else is short another time, spot them.

I think he changed his name to Thu Phuac.

Knowing this, maybe you should keep your cat inside.

OMG wait wait wait. Is that Gary Earl Ross the professor/playwright from University of Buffalo?!

Oh man, don’t tell Gary!

This is like a mobius strip of “he’s good, and is actually way better than he has been, but he was supposed to be even better, but he’s actually surprisingly good in his own way, but this isn’t a good fit for him, but he and his team are making the best of it so it’s all good”. I can’t finish this.