It is a cat, so it is definitely the Gone Girl thing.

This morning I woke up and under my pillow was my cat! I can’t tell if he likes the pressure of my head pushing a pillow into his body while he sleeping or if he’s trying to get me to unknowingly suffocate him while I sleep so that he can frame me for his murder Gone Girl style to teach me a lesson. Really hard to…

They do, but only to terrible schools where they are about to drop out until some middle-age white man having a mid-life crisis really connects with them.

THOSE ARE JUST FLOWERS!!!!!

(Looks at map)(Finds Knoxville, TN)

Winter Storm Georgia O’Keefe

I don’t have authorship privileges on Jezebel, so I wouldn’t be able to file it under anything.

Well, if a blizzard did hit the Midwest there would at least be stories running on the national news networks about how the East Coast is bracing for the blizzard that’s currently over the Midwest.

It’s times like these when I’m thankful to live less than 2 blocks from my favorite bar, and that the owners live even closer.

Cholula is my favorite for most Mexican food. In fact, there are like 9 varieties of hot sauce in my house, each for different cuisine. Tabasco goes on breakfast foods. Frank’s goes on pizza and wings (and, occasionally, fried tofu.) Sriracha goes on fish and vegetables. My system is perfect, y’all.

I’m just picturing a coroner looking down at you, shaking his head in weary resignation and muttering, “When, oh when, will these kids learn?”

NO

Dont over think it.

Yeah, something stinging that Mother Teresa said to Hillary Clinton 20 years ago just now came out.

Ok. But why weren’t any of the male presidents aborted then? Riddle me that!

If every single staunch “pro-lifer” running for president right now had been aborted, the world would be a better, nicer place.

“Because she has probably been aborted,”

“You got any weed?”

This doesn’t even make any sense. The “she’s already been aborted” line assumes that there’s only ONE woman who could have possibly been president. Yet how many white men candidates do we slog through every election?