Goddamit Kim, now Jesus has to pick up the slack since there’s one less person in the office. He’s definitely not going to be able to slide out early the Friday before a 3 day weekend.

It’s like anti-union rhetoric extended to the parent-teacher relationship.

When my husband and I were engaged, we had to do pastoral counseling before we could marry at my parents’ church. The pastor kept asking us “When you stand at the gates of heaven, and God asks you why you should be allowed in, what will you say?”

I’m not sure which is more terrifying: the fact that this woman is attempting to establish a very dangerous legal precedent, that her views are common enough in her county and state that the odds of her losing her job over this are slim, or that she can say to these people with a smile on her face that she “is not…

My ex, at the age of 26, had no idea you could hold in a fart.

When I go running, I fart. A lot. Normally I am running by myself so I just let them rip without shame, or until I am at least far enough away from the person running past me to claim a smelt it dealt it situation. So one night I had gone for a 5 mile jog at this park near my house (shout out to Green Lake) and I…

Yes. I’m sorry I just made your day worse.

Shyeah. Translated into Sane, this says “I have been a complete worthless twat to my daughter her whole life, but I want her to still want to hang out with her veritable abuser, so I’m going to fall back on this deliberately vague platitudinal ‘reason’ as though it’s a matter of concrete moral principle, which I obvs…

right? that sounded really messed up. Like it’s called adulthood....if you never seperate from your parents there is something wrong with you, and your parent.

“I do not believe mothers and daughters should be separated.”

You are part of an ancient thing that doesn’t know what it is, and can’t.

I assume it was Taylor. Kim’s very good at not reacting when she needs to be, from years of having cameras follow her arround.

Do your parents know you are on the internet?

OH MY GOD my best friend never buckles her seat belt. Every time she gets in my car, the passenger “ding ding ding” noise goes off. I feel like such a mom, but I seriously have to stop the car until she buckles her seat belt. Like, how is this a thing? I don’t even notice putting my seatbelt on, it’s so automatic.

Here’s what I don’t get. She obviously had to stop to take the kid out of the car seat so why not just feed them then? Why decide oh hey I’ll just drive and do this? Or was the child not in the car seat at any point?

It seems that would be pretty distracting, and thus probably not the safest thing to do, either, but at least it doesn’t put the child DIRECTLY in danger...

I remember those days of screaming babies/kids when driving and it is awful, but YOU PULL OVER AND DEAL WITH IT. Or sing Moon Moon Moon on constant repeat until both you and the baby are brain dead.

And really, the old “well, I’ve done it before Officer and everything worked out fine” is the least good excuse ever. She’s lucky they can retroactively ticket her for those offenses too. Fool.

Do you think customers deserve to be burned?

Ok, look. If a server comes over to you holding a bowl with a napkin, and then sets pasta in front of you that is clearly still boiling in the bowl, and then says, “Please be careful because the bowl is extremely [not just hot, but extremely] hot” and then you still proceed to touch said bowl, I’m sorry but I have no…