She says she “thinks” he could have fit. I hold that she KNEW, at the time, he could fit.

She won for the Reader, as was presaged by Ricky Gervais in an episode of Extras:

Bernie pretends to enjoy ice cream: AWWW, WHAT A GREAT GUY.

Technically, Raven only asked him if he was “lactose.” Twice.

Did anyone else think he was taking a big toke off a little joint in that picture at first glance?

i am beginning my personal transformation into a lifestyle blogger as we speak

yep. after my gut reaction of “ugh” that’s what stood out to me. how deeply insecure she must be, and what a sad life that would be. i want to hug her.

Former star of The Hills? Mmmk

Colonics, laser treatments, and semi-stressful massages have to be the least-awesome possible justification for this sentence:

She forgot the most important ingredient of all. Cocaine. Seriously, she’s like Gwenyth Paltrow on steroids. Organic, free range, fair trade steroids.

I’m exhausted just reading this.

also...sad. i think everyone should should feel like they look perfect on their wedding day. i hope her main takeaway from her day wasn’t that she was only an 8 and could’ve done better.

“detox/overall good-common-sense program”

*looks in mirror at self, notices unplucked eyebrows, hairy legs, dress from old navy, suspiciously dark upper lip hairs, chewed on nails and 25 extra pounds* *shrugs*

Every time I read something like this I feel more blessed I got married in 2002, when the number of people telling me about ways to spend money for my special daaaaay was slightly less overwhelming.

I would donate to this non-profit.

OH. MY. GOD.

Habitat for Huge Manatees.