She says she “thinks” he could have fit. I hold that she KNEW, at the time, he could fit.

She won for the Reader, as was presaged by Ricky Gervais in an episode of Extras:

Bernie pretends to enjoy ice cream: AWWW, WHAT A GREAT GUY.

Technically, Raven only asked him if he was “lactose.” Twice.

Did anyone else think he was taking a big toke off a little joint in that picture at first glance?

Yes. Because that’s all it is. Nothing about her personality, how she carries herself, what’s on her mind, how she’s behaving, is she distracted, is she interested, is she joking, is she amused, is she surprised, is she angry. It’s just how she looks, and this one is literally just the colors — like the writer is…

You picked perhaps the least offensive one there to make an example of though. The rest are rather... terrible.

Haha wow that’s pretty bad. I like the whole “pours herself into her dress” bit though. It makes me think she goes all Inque and liquefies herself to put on clothes.

i am beginning my personal transformation into a lifestyle blogger as we speak

yep. after my gut reaction of “ugh” that’s what stood out to me. how deeply insecure she must be, and what a sad life that would be. i want to hug her.

Former star of The Hills? Mmmk

Colonics, laser treatments, and semi-stressful massages have to be the least-awesome possible justification for this sentence:

She forgot the most important ingredient of all. Cocaine. Seriously, she’s like Gwenyth Paltrow on steroids. Organic, free range, fair trade steroids.

I’m exhausted just reading this.

also...sad. i think everyone should should feel like they look perfect on their wedding day. i hope her main takeaway from her day wasn’t that she was only an 8 and could’ve done better.

“detox/overall good-common-sense program”

*looks in mirror at self, notices unplucked eyebrows, hairy legs, dress from old navy, suspiciously dark upper lip hairs, chewed on nails and 25 extra pounds* *shrugs*

Every time I read something like this I feel more blessed I got married in 2002, when the number of people telling me about ways to spend money for my special daaaaay was slightly less overwhelming.