It's like she's carrying two backpacks strapped to her chest, under her shirt.

I think the only thing I have seen Dakota Johnson in is her tiny part in The Social Network (she was cute, I mean it really didn't make an impression) and I haven't read or seen any interviews with her for this Fifty Shades mess. I don't know much about her. Jamie Dornan comes off as kind of... very full of himself…

To me, they look more like a giant tumor than a pair of breasts.

When I think about men lusting after what is basically two fluid-filled plastic-enclosed kettlebells, I weep for humanity. (And for her, when she finally realizes that carrying those around in her 40's is much harder than she imagined.)

Also frigate birds

in re: requested memo-

Ohh, how wrong you are.

Adding insult to injury, the church has reportedly not reimbursed the family for the cost of the funeral.

That whole "love thy neighbor" thing? You're doing it wrong.

Sure, there are good reasons to not order farm-raised salmon. But this dude was somebody who clearly didn't actually ever want to order the salmon OR the beer and just wanted to ask stupid questions for no reason at all. If he'd actually cared how much beer was in a pint, he would've ordered the pint, but he didn't,…

Actually, it's about ethics in fast food journalism.

<— The diners in question.

They're already starting.

Uh, no, friend, the most disturbing thing about this story is that by 4th grade, none of these kids had ever learned a lesson that "two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead."

Turning them in would have ruined their chances of getting into a good college, so that had to be taken into consideration.

PARENTS KNEW AND DID NOTHING LOL OK I DONT CARE HOW MUCH OF A FAIL PLAN THIS WAS, DO SOMETHING, DAMN.

"It's not wild chicken."

She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm.

Finally! Someone with the courage to affirmatively identify the restaurant without playing silly guessing games like "it's named after a town that's in the same state as another town that provided the name for a famous soap opera" or some equally asinine riddle.

Alexis Bledel is probably wearing an adorable dress and doing the charleston with Pete Campbell at a garden party.