I’m all in favor of letting players have fun but I think shoving anything up their ass to celebrate is a bit much, even if it’s their own digits.

She put a dye pack in her pants for funsies?

Drew, you forgot about the Clip Man in the Chain Crew. The Clip Man attaches an indicator (plastic dial or fabric strip) through the chains at the back edge of the first five-yard line that is crossed by the chains. This clip is what’s used to mark a spot on a measurement, and also allows the chains to reset their…

dude what

Not all business cards are something you can drop off in a fishbowl at Panera for a shot at a free You Pick 2.

Meekly-Built Mother’s latest E.P., The Child With The Broken Arm, soars to the top of the indie charts.

“OK,. he’s gonna try to cut across the middle... so be ready.”

Ok but what about measuring the dicks of other people’s kids?

Schrodinger's catch rule couldn't be any less complicated than what the league has now.

I would watch the Existential Football League, but what would be the point? We are all just tiny specks of dust in this vast cosmos.

Finally, the moment my stupid Kinja handle has been waiting for.

It’s very small. You have to be very familiar with the Chinese flag to understand that.

“Why would there be confusion if he spoke English? Joining us in in studio to discuss is Emmitt Smith.”

No dumbass. As long as the hand that’s on the meat end of the bat is protected — as it is there — the chance of breaking her fingers is virtually nil, because no one is going to try to bunt a ball that’s pitched that far inside OTOH—Her hand there will prevent you from shoving that thing all the way up your ass, where…

In a website who’s hallmark is stupid takes, this one might be the dumbest. The Yankees just got a haul of prospects. They’re clearly rebuilding. They’ve already said they’re going to to use the next several months to evaluate prospects like Gary Sanchez and Aaron Judge, and don’t have use for 40 year old broken down…

Oh sure but when Arsene Wenger fucks up and lets Messi run around the pitch unchecked, he ends up with unlimited job security.

Ray Ray was a showboating douchebag who was a reputation defender for years before he finally fucked off to fail at television. At best he obstructed a murder case, and at worst had a hand in it. And yet he had the balls to act like a moral authority on anything. Fuck that guy.

The list of “key moments in franchise history” leaves out the time Jack del Rio encouraged players to take swings at a giant log with an axe, as a metaphor for the value of persistence and hard work, and their kicker sliced open his own leg with it, as a metaphor for the irrelevance of persistence and hard work in the…

Two flukes are still two flukes. Your teams are the least talented, luckiest teams to ever win a championship. Congrats on your personal contributions, by the way.

The organisers promise to resolve the problems by Thursday