Optics is also a corporate term for appearance the way you’re using it.

As someone who has been locked up, I’m a big advocate for prison reform and humane prison treatment.

Not a good time to lose one’s head.

He’ll never be the head of a major corporation, you mean?

“In thick patois — I won’t do the voice. Well, I’ll do the voice a little...”

This is how John Mulaney turns a pretty funny joke to begin with into a great joke.

Ingredient list for 365 (Whole Food brand) Mayonnaise literally copied directly from their website:

Mayo has eggs in it. It is literally eggs and oil mixed together and not much else.

Doesn’t mayo have eggs in it?

Calamari Mata Hari might be my favorite line uttered on this show ever. Talbot is the best.

I guess she shouldn’t have used Lawyer.com.

Slightly unrelated: Fellow Grammar Police, I ask you: “shaked his genitals”? Not, ‘shook his genitals’?

If the Belle tolls more than twice, it’s considered playing with yourself.

Solar storms? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within their server room? 

That officer’s name is Marine Todd.

Relax, friend. Here...calm down with this delicious Hormel Black Label Bacon.

I’ve never actually cared enough about cosmetics to spend real money on them, but it’s so crazy to me that apparently companies can make more revenue off slot machines than they would if they just sold things piecemeal in a store. It really is predatory, appealing to the secret (or not-so-secret) gambling addiction…

I’d like to see more devs go the Payday 2 route (minus the power creep/NEEDING some expansions). Every month or two, drop one map, a few cosmetics, a few new guns, for like $7. I would pay $7 every month for that amount of content.

McDonald’s should ban him from all their restaurants. He would then have no choice but to steal Big Macs, thus becoming the real life Hamburglar.